Ted the Penguin

You Can’t Join The Carpool

You’re going to have to spread a rumor that you have a drinking problem. Get caught drinking and driving once. The company has a program in place to handle the rehab, and the cops can’t put you away because they know you’ll be killed by mob associates minutes after you arrive in your cell. Get pulled over and everyone will assume that you didn’t want them to ride with you because you need to sip from a hip flask in order to see straight in the morning. Better that they see you as a drunk than that you turn their kids into orphans and their wives into widows on the day Fat Mikey finds out you been hiding out in Iowa ever since you turned rat.

Funny stuff.