Ted the Penguin

Christmas is Evil

Oh no, we must get rid of this evil holiday! America has become such a melting pot of varying religions, backgrounds, and types of people (See the schoolhouse rock reference? I make myself proud.) we can’t have Christmas anymore! It can’t be a federal holiday! We’ll offend someone! Why isn’t “Bob’s Christmas Religious Replacement Holiday” in August a federal holiday?! I protest! I want my voice heard! I don’t have to adapt to your authoritarian fascist system! Easter? Good Friday? National disasters waiting to happen. Arrrrgggg!!

Now that I got that out of my system…Christmas. Even if you’re not Christian, if you’ve grown up in the United States it’s probably been indoctrinated into your life. Christmas is everywhere we go, television, newspapers, stores, school, the internet, etc. Though this is a discussion/question/arguement etc. made every year, I’ve just come to notice it in particular now. The thought that Americans are trying to phase out Christmas.Bill O’Rilley called a Texas school systems’ actions “flat-out fascism,” for allegedly not allowing green or red to be worn during the holidays. An attorney for the school system requested that O’Rilley check his facts in the future, the school system does not prohibit any clothing colors during the holidays; he did not apologize or issue a retraction.

In Wisconsin, an uproar was made over the use of a song called “Cold in the Night” to the tune of “Silent Night” in a school play. School officials were accused of “trying to erase Christ from Christmas” by the Liberty Council and the American Family Association. In reality, the song is actually a part of a play called “The Little Christmas Tree” which is often preformed with a pro-Christian tint, in addition to it being about Christmas of course.

(These examples don’t seem to help the Christian argument though, I’ll try to provide one that gives another side of the story as it’s not my intention to blast either Conservatives, Liberals, Christians, or some of the crazy Libertarians I know. I do however intend to blast, accuse and otherwise alienate the Who’s in Whoville. They’re the real problem in America today.)

Protesters also lobbied, protested, wrote about, and otherwise flooded American television and news channels a few weeks ago about the fact that many major retailers, the White House, and numerous other groups were calling christmas trees “holiday trees” instead. From these protests, most retailers have either renamed their advertising displays to more prominently reflect their ‘Christmas offerings.” This one I agree with. It IS a Christmas tree. It’s not a Kwanzaa tree or a Chanukah tree. Silly American capitalism.

Now for the rant.

I just don’t understand people sometimes. Sure, I bet most people idolize the “classic American holiday image” that we all grew up with. Snow on the ground, classic christmas songs in the background such as “White Christmas”, jolly Santa with Rudolph and his Reindeer, Lionel train running around the tree, I could go on, but I won’t. Simply put, other religious holidays don’t fit in with it. I’m probably biased, growing up in a middle-class Christian household, but anyway you put it, it IS America’s image of Christmas. We strive to achieve that image as so much as we can afford it (And even if we can’t, we still try). In this politically correct world, why are we so offended and afraid of tarnishing or changing that sacred image? America wasn’t founded on this image of Christmas, quite the opposite in-fact.

The Puritans hated Christmas! They thought it was an insult to celebrate and drink all day and then go to church (maybe it is, why don’t we defend that now instead? I don’t see protesters outside of my local churches…). Santa Clause wasn’t invented until the 1820’s (he was modeled after a Dutchman in New York); Christmas trees weren’t introduced/didn’t catch on till the 1840’s when they were brought from Germany. Christmas itself didn’t become a federal holiday until Grant was President. Rudolph was a marketing ploy by Montgomery Ward in the early 20th century.

The American image of Christmas has constantly evolved. Will the next evolution be renaming Christmas trees to “holiday trees?” Who knows. More is the question, why are these arguements always about the conservative right vs. the liberal left? Why are radical Christians always labeled as conservatives? Why are liberals always evil Atheists? Why do people hate change? Why, Why, WHY?!

Why do Americans always seek to place the blame for any given action on a group of people who don’t have the same opinions that they do? It seems it’s always “those radical christian conservatives fault” or “those damn liberal hippies.” Before it was the color of your skin that made you different and wrong. Now it’s everything else; sexuality, political affiliation, religion, wealth, power. When the hell will we learn?

Gah. Reality gives me a headache and makes me angry.

Hear what Foamy has to say on this topic of Christmas.